Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
