there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
