billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
