I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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