Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
