I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
