So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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