Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize