birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
