I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
