ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
