Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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