Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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