yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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