at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
