god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
