I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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