Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize