I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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