Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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