1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just tell him i said nine months
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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