Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
