dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
