Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
