I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
