shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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