How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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