ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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