3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
