I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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