why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
