Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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