So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
