You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
