fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
