so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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