how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize