I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
someone owes me an orgasm
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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