eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
