Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
