It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
