you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
