Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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