Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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