the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
