I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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