I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
