he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
