In the future we'll all be gay
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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