I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
