im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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