i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
