I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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