only if we run a train.
done.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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