My hand turned me down
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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