i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
