You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
