I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
