jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
