I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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