So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
