This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
