nut hugger
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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