Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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